We’ve all been at a game where there is “that guy” or “that girl” – the one who thinks he or she knows everything about the team/game, but then, seems confused when he can’t find Yzerman on the ice. We all know and hate this guy. But this got me thinking (which takes a miracle) “How can we tell a real hockey person from a person who bought a t-shirt twenty minutes ago and hasn’t watched a game in 10 years?” I have the answer!
Let me premise this that I completely understand that most people have other things going on in life and don’t have the time to devote to hockey. Things like significant others, kids, friends, and other hobbies come to mind. Luckily for you, I don’t have these things and instead, write a hockey blog. I have no problem with these people going to a game and enjoying themselves. I have a problem with said people acting they know everything when they couldn’t name 5 players on the current Wings roster (no, Maltby and Draper don’t count, asshole). These people piss me off.
Therefore, I have created a “quiz” of sorts – questions you ask people to see what level of hockey knowledge they have. If they can’t answer the majority of them, you have every right to feel like the superior being that you are because REAL hockey fans are the best. Enough bullshitting. I give to you:
The Generic Hockey Knowledge Test
One a typical two on one, what is the defensive player’s responsibility?
How many defenseman does a team usually play each game?
How have the Maple Leafs done since the 2004-2005 lockout?
What does “plus/minus” mean?
What is the maximum number of assists allowed on a goal?
What does the phrase “losing an edge” mean?
Who is the NHL Commissioner?
What are the differences between linesman and referees?
During five on five play, what is the primary responsibility for the left and right wingers in the defensive zone?
Pierre McGuire (if said person doesn’t have a negative reaction, there’s your answer).
And there you have it. I’m thinking if you’re reading this blog, you have enough hockey knowledge that I don’t need to supply the answers. You could probably ask a million others, this is just a guide. Next time you see a tweet from someone who says something really stupid, like “OH that totally wasn’t a penalty when the stick hit him in the face” or “I really wish the Wings would play Samuelsson more minutes because he’s really good at hockey”, ask them something like this. If they can’t answer right away, you know what to do.